Step One
First, be sure to read the disclaimer. Now that we've gotten rid of THEM, pet your eyebrows and "rowwwll" like a cat. Very good. On to step two.

Step Two
Read and study The Bible of Conanism, and the Doctrine. Learn The Way and the Conanments. Learn to properly exemplify the standards of Conanism in public. When you feel ready, continue to step three.

Step Three

Step Four
Please preform 45 seconds of Community Service for The Church of Conan. Email and/or with the message, "where is the church of conan?" or "what happened to" If you can think of a better message than that, you earn 2 extra points. If they answer, do not reply. Your deed has been done. The reason for this is because they spitefully removed my pages from their server before I had a chance to finish moving them, and I would like to harmlessly annoy them. Thank you. Move on to step five.

Step Five
This is the final step. You must send email to It is an "email robot" and will automatically respond with a "Confirmation" within a minute or so. Yes, that's right. No more waiting days and days for a human confirmation. Your email address will not be harvested and sold to any companies, and you will not get any more emails after that. It is quite simple. Happy Conanism!

really, it does.

This page was created by Hilary Branske. Any copying of the concept of the Church of Conan will result in a severe whipping and removal of your sparkle dot.

"'Late Night' and 'NBC' are registered trademarks of the National Broadcasting Company, Inc., and the photographs and other materials included on this website are protected by copyright and are property of NBC, and are used with the permission of NBC."